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Moving forward and Chasing Dreams

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Today, I handed in my notice at work.

Now you may be wondering why I would even consider giving up a very sought after role, in a very sought after industry that is getting cut to smithereens, without having another role lined up to move into, during one of the most turbulent job markets in living memory.

Because I’ve pretty much lost my mind, that’s why.

I’ve lost my mind, not because I don’t care about my job – I’m lucky enough to be working in the industry that I love, and I know I should be grateful for that – but I’m losing my mind, because I can’t shake this feeling that I’m wasting my best years, when in reality, I never even really tried to achieve my dreams. The thing’s I worked so hard for until the age of 22, when I essentially gave up before I even started.

I was so scared, scared of the rejection, scared of the work, scared of never having any money, scared of working behind a bar for the rest of my life (not that there is anything wrong with that – it’s just not something I choose for myself). So I gave up. I gave up without trying. That is very unlike me.

To be honest, I wasn’t having a great time when I left uni (I mean, who the hell is to be honest) and after spiralling into a severe state of anxiety and depression for nearly a year, the job that I have just left has been quite literally a life-saver. The feeling of achievement, of feeling needed and wanted, and good at something has really helped build my confidence. It has also come with feelings of boredom, regret, and wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life.

I feel more motivated than ever to try and find out my identity within the performing arts. I’ve been struggling as to what to identify myself as  – am I dancer? An Actress? A Choreographer? Director? Practitioner? Then I realised recently that it doesn’t bloody matter. At all. I’m a dancing, acting, choreographing, directing practitioner. I’m whoever the bloody hell I want to be.

But one thing I certainly am not is an Administrator. I need to stop kidding myself that the security of full time work is worth giving up on that. It is for some people – and if that’s the choice you make – then good for you! I’m quite envious. But for me, at the moment anyway, I’m heading into the freelance world. Willing to take any job that vaguely interest’s me, and trying to figure out who the heck I want to be and what the heck I want to do with my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever know, and I’m sure the second I think I know, I’ll change it! But I’ll never find out sat at a desk. It’s not what I was built for.

I’m still pretty scared. But that’s ok, and I’m going try my hardest to make a success of this for myself.

So yeah – that’s my life today, my good old unemployed life.

This lovely print is by the marvel that is Ella Masters 

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  • Aww you did the right thing. Always go for your heart. I did the same thing few months back though i regret it (when it comes to the money part)haha but otherwise i am pretty happy.good luck for future love????

    • Milli

      Thank you Tanu, I know it’s hard not to worry about money, but happiness comes first, and money will come when it’s needed. xx

  • You are so brave and it takes so much courage to do something like this. But you should be proud of yourself! I admire your strength! I was in a similar situation last year and had to choose between being happy and doing what is expected of me. I chose my own happiness and never regretted it for a minute! Keep your head up and good things are going to happen for you 🙂

    Katie
    X x
    http://www.littlekaatie.com

    • Milli

      Thank you Katie, I’m glad you don’t regret your decision, I’m sure I won’t regret it either! xx

  • I have a year of Uni left and I’m so anxious about what the hell I’m going to do afterwards! In the long run I’m sure you will reap the benefits of leaving a job that you felt wasn’t fulfilling! xxxx

    • Milli

      Don’t anxious about it – take it one day at a time, and something will turn up! Thank you for your lovely comment! xx

  • That is such a brave and inspirational decision to make! Good luck with everything, I hope you find happiness and success with whatever you take on in the future!

    Laura xx
    aviewfrom-thebalcony.blogspot.co.uk

    • Milli

      Thank you lovely! It means a lot! xx

  • Congratulations. I did the same thing last month and quit my soul destroying admin job and although I have no idea where it will lead I am enjoying trying to figure it out.

    • Milli

      Good Luck! I’m sure you’ll figure it out in the end! xx

  • Well done you! Go chase your dreams and see where it takes you! It’s so important and I totally agree with you that I’d choose a chaotic but fulfilling life over a lot of money and financial security anytime. I hope it will all work out for you just the way you want it to 🙂 xx

    Jess In Retrospect

    • Milli

      Thank you! Yes It’s easy to forget but money isn’t everything! xx

  • I’m happy for you – well done! Sounds like you did the right thing! xx

    http://www.beckieeschle.com

    • Milli

      Thank you lovely! I hope so!

  • GO YOU!
    It makes my heart jump into the back of my throat as I understand the pressure of our sector. Im the full time barmaid who’s struggling to find her way at the moment 😉 I’m still applying for stuff but I want to go for stuff that I actually would like to do, no more time wasting and feeling miserable. I’m wishing you so much luck with your next step!

    Em xx

    • Milli

      You’ll find something in the end – I rushed into it and took anything, and now feel like I wasted too much time! Good Luck to you too lovely! We will both make it in the end! Milli xxx

  • Milli

    Thank you Erin! This comment filled me with hope! xx

  • Hi Milli,

    I totally understand your dilemma. I’m 23 and am so lucky to work in what I love. But just a few months ago I was in a job I hated, and it was bringing me down. I was broke, and stuck with it because I thought it better to be working at SOMETHING than NOTHING. I had to make the huge decision to leave without knowing what my options would be afterwards, if I would even have any. Sometimes now, even though I love my job, I wonder if I ever gave myself time to figure out what I wanted to do. I went straight from college into this sector, but I occasionally look back and think ‘crap, I need more time to figure myself out.’
    I hope you get something you love doing really soon.
    x

    • Milli

      Hi Zoe, I think everyone always wants and needs more time to figure things out, life is just a constant stream of the unknown. As long as you are happy and healthy, then I’m sure you’ll do great!

  • Good luck Milli! I think you’re incredibly brave, but I think also following your passions are going to be the one thing that determines your happiness in the future. I’m so lucky to be working in the exact field I love at the moment and I hope you find your role in performing arts soon!

    Saskia / girlinbrogues.com

    • Milli

      Thank you so much Saskia, it means a lot!

  • I actually think that’s really brave of you to quit your job and that security to go on and pursue your dream – but you definitely did the right thing. Good luck with it all!

    The Velvet Black // UK Style & Beauty Blog

    • Milli

      Thank you so much Alice, it means a lot to have so much support!

  • Dreams are there to be chased ^_^
    I know it’s over said but life is far too short to do anything that ever makes you unhappy 🙂
    I had this problem last year, and so I changed degree ^_^ I love the strange and terrifying but also liberating feeling of taking that massive plunge and turning it all around 🙂
    I hope it all works out and you find your dreams as I’m sure you will 😀

    Best

    Sarah xxo | thesaltyseablog.blogspot.co.uk

    • Milli

      Thank you Sarah, it is terrifying, but also so exhilarating! I’m feeling good about it!

  • good for you! You can’t go wrong when you choose heart over head. Was lovely chatting to you yesterday – really inspired me to follow my dreams too.

    Freya x

    • Milli

      Thanks Freya, So nice to chat to you! I hope you do follow your dreams! It’s so important!

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  • I’m so happy for you — and kind of jealous and mad at myself for not doing the same thing. I’m sure this is a bit of a scary situation and one that will no doubt come with lots of questioning, doubt and worry…but it’s also SO BRAVE! We are all expected to live in our cookie cutter little lives and taking the plunge to step outside the lines and take a chance at something different is commendable. Truly wish you the best of luck!

    xoxo – Kelly
    http://www.dreaminlace.com